Day of Rest

Sunday, Aug. 31, 2014

Today I'm thankful for the commandment to take one day a week and rest from the labors of all the other days and spend time in gratitude for all that the Creator gives me and does for me. It's like a rest between workout sets; it's like stopping the shallow breathing of busy-ness to inhale deeply and exhale slowly; it's like pouring rich, substantive cream into my cup of weak, thin worldliness, and when mixed together, the worldly things become less shallow and more delicious because of the spiritual awareness that they are divine creations. What a loving and wise Father our God is to give us such a day!

I'm thankful that I can meet and mingle with people who share my beliefs and who try to live Christ's example and help me try to live it. I'm thankful for people who prayerfully prepare lessons and messages that give me the spiritual nourishment I need for another week in the world - and that I can come back in 7 days for more. 

I'm thankful for Christ's atonement, that my sins may be forgiven if I repent, that my body will overcome death, be perfected and reunited with my spirit, and that I may live forever with my family and dear friends in a place where there is no evil, sickness or sadness. 

Indeed, thanks for the Sabbath Day!

Qigong and Smiling

Aug. 24, 2014

“Qigong” means “cultivating energy.” Qi (pronounced “chee”) means the vital energy that flows through through all things in the universe;” Gong means "accomplishment," or skill that is cultivated through steady practice for health maintenance, healing and vitality. A practice session begins with standing still, breathing deeply into the abdomen and exhaling slowly, while visualizing the body relaxing, as if suspended by a string from the top of the head. Then we “smile from the heart” by thinking of something that conjures that feeling.

It’s lovely, I think, that what most often evokes my smile is Grandson #1, with whom my heart is tied because I held him and smelled the heaven on his skin moments after he arrived on earth. Also because he and his Mommy needed me so much in the first days and months after his birth. I spent every day caring for him while my daughter tried to rest and recuperate; her exhaustion stemmed first from an unplanned C-section, and second from a colicky newborn who would not sleep nor be comforted and who cried incessantly. And threw up everything he ate. Despite my own pain and fatigue, God gave me the strength and patience to hold and soothe and love that baby boy. I cherish him, and he expresses often that I’m one of his favorites.

Something happened as he neared five, which I feared it would. He doesn’t want to kiss or hug so much any more, and he’s silly instead of sweet most of the time. He’s always been willful, but now he’s exerting his independence like a little boy instead of a toddler. He makes annoying sounds with his mouth, enjoys saying gross and nonsensical words, and when a 5-year-old can’t stay on task, it’s harder to be patient than it is with a 2-, 3- or even 4-year-old.

However! There is yet a vestige of my baby-buddy, and I do think it will remain solid though hidden under layers of boyhood when it will be socially unacceptable to let on that he likes any adult (oh, must we really?). My daughter had a special relationship with her Gramma – the one who tended her while Husby and I were in Hawaii, and our darling daughter told Gramma she didn’t have to mind her because she wasn’t her mom, oh horrors. Once Daughter outgrew her Terribles (they extended well beyond the Twos), she formed a sweet relationship with her Gramma, who was ever patient and forgiving. This probably factors into the reason Daughter nurtures the bond between Grandson and me.

She came over a couple of days ago to pick up an old school desk someone gave us when the kids were young, and which they used until their knees wouldn’t fit beneath the rounded bottom any longer. 

She made the difficult decision to home-school Grandson, and she wanted the desk for his “classroom.” Husby hauled the desk down from the attic and dusted it off, then we all played in the pool for a while, where Grandson splashed in my face every time I got close, kicked me in the ribs, and was that squealing kid in the pool that neighbors at the other end of the street could hear. He unhappily got out of the pool when time was up, then Daughter piled Grandson and Desk into the van and headed home to set up the classroom. She called me that night just to tell me this:

“I asked C today what was the best thing about his day. He said, ‘Going to Honey’s house.' Then I asked him what was his least favorite thing, and he said, ‘Leaving Honey’s house.’” Smile for today!

What is normal?

Aug. 23, 2014

Three days on food combining, and I’m not sold. I’ve been doing fruit for breakfast, carbs and non-starchy veggies for lunch, and protein and veggies for dinner. The first day, I was amazed – no bloating or discomfort at all, and the next day I was down 1.2 pounds. Yesterday I was back up 1.2 pounds, and today I was the same. Yesterday I had some bloating and gas, and today I had a lot of bloating, quite a bit more gas. During dinner tonight (Mi Cocina – tilapia tacos without tortillas, shredded lettuce & avocado, and sautéed spinach) my stomach started to churn, and I needed to use the bathroom desperately by the time we got home. And the last two days my ribs have been hurting bad again.

The problem is, every “food combining” source has different recommendations, and even the guidelines that match don’t make sense. They say to eat fruit alone, don’t eat protein and starches at the same meal, and no dairy. Most say to avoid onions and garlic, and many say to eliminate nightshades – tomatoes, onions, potatoes, all kinds of peppers. Um, what does that leave for flavor? I can’t gag down kale, chickory and many of the allowed non-starchy-veggies, especially if they aren’t seasoned with onions or garlic. They allow no legumes because they are starch and protein combined, and prohibit more than one protein at a meal. They like grain-like seeds such as quinoa, millet and buckwheat, but those are starch-protein, so how do you eat those?

They say it’s good to combine good fats with all foods, but not very much fat. Yogurt is OK (all cultured foods are good) and many say that yogurt is good paired with acid fruit. What? I thought fruit was to be eaten alone? They say avocados are great, but they categorize avocados as protein, which you can only eat with a vegetable, so that’s your protein meal. Not very satisfying! Same things with nuts. You could eat some of these things by themselves between meals, except that you’re supposed to wait two hours after a fruit, three hours after a starchy meal, and four hours after a protein meal before eating anything else. That pretty much means three meals a day with no snacks in between. This seems too complicated and impractical unless it really does aid digestion and gut health; but I’m more bloated and uncomfortable today than before I tried combining foods!

Now, maybe I just need to experiment with what works for me. Maybe adding natural sauerkraut was too much too soon, considering I recently added another probiotic and a soil-based probiotic/prebiotic, and I started taking plaintain starch. I’ve added all the new things in small doses (for at least two weeks before starting food combing), as they can be a lot for an unhealthy gut, but perhaps I need to back off of some of them and add one thing at a time. I was handling all of them just fine until I started combining foods. Aaaargh!

Digest this ...

Aug. 19, 2014

We're quickly discovering that to learn Tai Chi is to learn intimately how the body works and moves, including how to eat and live. Every move - every hand and foot position in relation to other body parts - creates balance and strength. Sifu D is patient enough to show us how slightly moving a foot or hand increases stability, or how moving from the hips moves the rest of the body without excess effort. He takes each person's individual condition into consideration as he prepares a class and incorporates acupressure points or moves that will help each person. I was getting dizzy when bending down from the hips and then raising hands overhead; he gave me alternative moves that don't drop the head below the knees and also showed me some acupressure points and other moves that help normalize blood pressure. We visited after class about a friend I told about the class who said he planned to come to today's seated class. As we talked about my friend's health issues, the conversation turned to diet, particularly acid/pH balance. I know all about acidosis and have been working to raise my pH for some time. My current fibro doctor finally said to forget about the pH until we get Candida and mercury toxicity under control. Sifu wasn't very familiar with Candida and said he would ask his Master for some direction. 

As soon as we got to class this morning, Sifu had some info from his Master about acupressure points for low BP and diet suggestions, particularly combining foods. I've heard of it, but I couldn't remember what it is. Basically, it's not combining foods that have different digestive requirements. Proteins require intense amounts of acid to break down, while starches require an alkaline digestive medium.  The theory is that when starches and proteins are eaten together, the acid and alkaline neutralize each other, and the food passes into the body undigested. Fruit is mechanically digested in the stomach, but chemical digestion doesn't take place until it reaches the last stages of the small intestine, so if eaten with or after a meal, it sits on top of the other undigested food and starts to rot, as it's not being digested. All of that causes bloating and gas and an unhealthy digestive tract. Sifu said that people with a healthy digestive system don't have to worry as much about combining foods, but anyone with a lot of gas, bloating, and known digestive issues (including Candida) can benefit from combining foods.

I came home from class and do what I do: Google and read. I looked up "Combining Foods" and the most coherent, sensible article I found was Mercola.com. I've read all kinds of excoriating articles about Dr. Joseph Mercola - the usual quackwatch stuff. But every time I search an alternative-medicine topic, I wind up at his site and find information that doesn't sound fringe or weird at all. Since the Candida Diet hasn't done much for me, nor have antifungal drugs, I've been doing some things to improve gut health, namely adding some resistant starch and beefier probiotics. I'll give food combining a go and see how I feel.

Today's smile: 

 
A thank-you note handwritten by Grandson #1, all 5 years of him. He has a good Mommy teaching him to do such things :-)

Drink it up

Aug. 15, 2014

Today's smiles: 

• Taking Grandson #1 to The Greatest Show on Earth, a one-week-belated birthday gift. He has trouble paying attention and sitting without bouncing and making noise, but after all was said and done, he said he "had so much fun!" At least you can talk out loud and make silly sounds at the circus and no one will hear, much less care ;-)

• Getting a text from a young mother I met at the grocery store last week (in the restroom of all places). She and her hubby and 2-year-old daughter had moved to Fort Worth the day before and she needed advice about places to live and eat. She asked where we go to church, and when I told her I'm LDS, her countenance changed, so I didn't press it - although I should have asked her what she knows (or doesn't) about Latter-day Saints, because most people who turn up their noses are mostly un- or misinformed. I felt somehow connected to her immediately, though, and we exchanged phone numbers. I have thought about her all week and planned to call her today after we got home from the circus to see how they were doing. She texted this afternoon to say that they just moved into a house and they were looking for a restaurant with organic options tonight. I sent her a list of restaurants, and she wrote back that she was struggling with an overwrought toddler at the moment and couldn't call, but she thanked me for the suggestions and asked if we could connect sometime soon. I look forward to that!

Today I'm thankful for WATER. Our daughter was awakened at 6:30 a.m. by neighbors knocking on the door to tell them that water was pouring from their front yard. The water main had broken, and although plumbers came right away, they were without water all day. We don't think much about water when we wash our hands, flush the toilet, rinse off dishes, shower, wash hair and so much more! On this brutally hot day, I'm very grateful for water, especially that which runs from taps in my home and that which fills a plastered hole in my back yard. 

Every day from June to October, it's my retreat. In the water my body and mind relax and the weightlessness erases pain. Floating on my back, I see birds soaring high against a panorama of deep blue sky with white clouds morphing from one shape to another. Sometimes the sun goes behind the clouds, brightly illuminating the edges and making those shooting rays that artists use in depictions of something divine. The gentle splashing of the fountains drowns out most neighborhood noise, and surrounded by bushes, trees, my herb garden and the birds, butterflies, lizards and other small critters that inhabit them (squirrels and snakes very much excluded) - I feel closer to God than almost anywhere else. I'm grateful every single day for this pool, but especially today when I was reminded of how much we depend on water and what a blessing it is in soothing Freddie's rage.

The Mercury Connection

Aug. 14, 2014

I have terrible teeth; always have. My baby teeth were full of fillings - meaning that I've had mercury in my head for about 50 years. Doctors and dentists who believe that amalgam fillings are dangerous are vilified by "science-based" medical folks. Funny thing, though ... do you ever see a mercury thermometer on drugstore shelves any more? University after university has published guidelines on the safe handling of mercury. OSHA has published guidelines. Texas A&M - no obscure institution - says "All forms of mercury are toxic. ... Elemental mercury, as a vapor, penetrates the central nervous system (CNS), where it is ionized and trapped, resulting in its extreme toxic effects. ... Depending on the type of mercury and dose, symptoms may appear relatively quickly (acute disease) or take a number of years to appear (chronic disease)." Read the whole document here. Hmmmm. So it seems that fibro symptoms are virtually the same as heavy metal toxicity, particularly mercury poisoning. The symptoms are also identical to Candidiasis (resulting in Leaky Gut Syndrome), Lyme Disease, and others, which is why doctors who try to treat fibro take a multi-pronged approach. Most will try first to heal the gut through diet and sometimes drugs or supplements while simultaneously detoxing the body.

That's why Fibro doctor #1 suggested I have my amalgam fillings removed. I hadn't done any research on amalgams yet, so as sick as I was, I didn't understand the value in something so involved and expensive. Five years later, Doctor #3 was more emphatic. I found a biological dentist who removes amalgams following IAOMT (International Academy of Oral Medicine and Toxicology) guidelines. Because taking out fillings with a high-speed burr generates a cloud of mercury vapor and very fine particles that can be respirated and then systemically absorbed, biological dentists reduce exposure in prescribed ways: they slice the filling and remove it in chunks using constant water spray with a high-volume suction next to the tooth; the dentist and assistant wear nitrile glove and respirators with mercury-rated filters; the patient wears a positive pressure respiration device and the face & eyes are covered with a barrier to protect from spattered amalgam particles. Many dentists use a rubber dam in the patient's mouth to prevent particles from going down the throat. The room should be ventilated so that particles and vapor aren't dispersed throughout the office.

In the initial exam, Dentist found that all but one of my 12 back teeth need new fillings or to have amalgams removed and replaced. Five of those require crowns. This dentist uses no metal in the mouth because it can cause conductivity issues or allergic reactions, so the crowns are all porcelain - beautiful ... and expensive. This little adventure will set me back $11k. 

Dentist does all the work in one quadrant of the mouth at a time so as to get it all done in one numbing session. I had the first quadrant done in May, a crown, and a filling in the tooth next door. I couldn't bite down on the temporary crown - pain - and I hoped that the permanent crown would be better. It was worse! I scheduled and cancelled two or three appointments for the next quadrant because I couldn't bite down without pain and went back multiple times to have the crown adjusted. I could feel cusps on one side that were much bigger than the natural tooth, so it was no wonder I was hitting hard. Before we went on vacation last month, I went back to have Dentist file some more off - and he filed the cusps way down and also took a little off the top tooth that was hitting the bottom because he said any time there's a change, your brain tries to adapt by shifting the bite, and nearby the teeth actually move. I didn't want to have work done on the next quadrant until I could eat well on the first crown; it still hurts if I bite just so, but it's enough better that I went ahead with the second quadrant today, which involved replacing a crown that had both an amalgam and a composite filling, removing an amalgam filling from the tooth in front of it, and filling some fissures in the tooth behind it. 

My mouth was open for two and a half hours with a lot of pounding, pulling and stretching going on. When the numbness began wearing off two hours after I left the office, the area ached as if a tooth had been pulled. I took some ibuprofen, which helped immensely, but my jaw is so sore I can't chew. I accidentally bit down on the newly repaired teeth at dinner and the filled tooth hurt like crazy. 

Smiles of the day (the first being my frozen-face droopy smile this morning that kinda made me giggle inside): 

* It's 8 p.m. and Dentist called a few minutes ago to see how I'm doing :-)

* The view from the dental chair:

Every treatment room in the building has a view similar to this; if you have to sit in a chair for more than 2 hours with your mouth propped wide open, it's nice to look out at this rather than a bare wall!

Namaste

Aug. 11, 2014



YogaJournal.com has a definition of "Namaste" that I really like:

The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. "Nama" means bow, "as" means I, and "te" means you. Therefore, namaste literally means "bow me you" or "I bow to you." To perform Namaste, we place the hands together at the heart chakra, close the eyes, and bow the head. It can also be done by placing the hands together in front of the third eye, bowing the head, and then bringing the hands down to the heart. We bring the hands together at the heart chakra to increase the flow of Divine love. Bowing the head and closing the eyes helps the mind surrender to the Divine in the heart. For a teacher and student, Namaste allows two individuals to come together energetically to a place of connection and timelessness, free from the bonds of ego-connection. If it is done with deep feeling in the heart and with the mind surrendered, a deep union of spirits can blossom.

~ Aadil Palkhivala

I love what Namaste means! The surrendering of ego to the Divine and connecting with another person in a practice such as yoga or Tai Chi must surely be healing.

Husby and I attended our third Tai Chi class tonight, the only two in the class. It was a superb opportunity for the Sifu to work with us individually, to do steps and postures that would benefit our specific needs - and to go over them again and again with imagery that helped us see and feel how they should be done. Having him show us how to do the horse stance and telling us how it should feel, for example, made such a difference. When I did it on my own this week, I didn't realize that it's meant to be a powerful quad strengthener that also tones the glutes, the hips, and if done regularly with other stances, it will improve the ability to walk, climb and move side-to-side.   

I had a particularly hard time getting the Brush Knee posture; my movements were spastic-looking, and if I did get it once, I couldn't repeat it. The idea is for the movement to flow in a relaxed, fluid manner but I can't even get the mechanics down to get beyond mechanical! We spent a lot of time talking about energy and how each stance, step and posture aligns the body so energy can flow properly. Sifu D explained that Tai Chi moves are very difficult for me because in fibromyalgia, the central nervous system is firing all over the place and the brain has a hard time making sense of all the stimuli. With regular Tai Chi practice, the brain will learn to take control and the manic firing will calm down - when it does, fibro symptoms will begin to disappear. 

We talked a lot about energy and how each step, stance and movement is done a certain way to achieve proper body alignment. Sifu did strength demonstrations that showed how simply moving a hand breaks alignment and makes it easy for him to push us back or over. This moving of energy is so powerful, he says, that at first we shouldn't do too much Tai Chi on a daily basis. He instructed us to do just one stance a day and not to carve out an hour a day, but to do about 20 minutes and incorporate steps, stances, acupressure points and stretches in daily activities throughout the day. 

Smile of the day:

Perhaps when we're mindful of blessings we are offered more opportunities to serve or we're in a better frame of mind to see opportunities and view them as blessings. Last Tuesday another friend asked me to help her, and today I got to help a friend whose 17-year-old daughter fell Saturday while practicing for an ice-skating competition and broke her hip. My friend was with her daughter through surgery and stayed with her all night and most of the next day. I've never known my friend to get frazzled or be less than positive and cheery, but when I called her yesterday, she started crying. She was perfectly exhausted, and I knew that figuring out what and how to feed eight people today was more than she needed to deal with and was something I could do. I'm grateful that Husby and I have the means to provide a meal for another family and that today I had the energy to do it. (The full moon is waning, thank goodness!)

Mama said ...

Sunday, Aug. 10, 2014

OK, I know there will be days when I just feel crummy, and all the positive thinking in the world won't clear my head, make me less dizzy or stop the pain in my ribs. And I can climb aboard my hot-air balloon that lifts me above my petty thoughts and the grudges I hold against people, but on certain days, the balloon won't fill with air and lift off, or it might get up then lose hot air or get a hole and plop back to the ground. I know that Satan loves to sit in the back seat and yell in my ear about all the people who've wronged or simply bugged me. I can order him out of the back seat, but on certain days he just gets right back in. 

I said on Blog Day 1 that that's why I write a gratitude journal - so that on days like this I can go back and remember that I do have blessings, that some days I'm not dizzy and tired and grumpy and mad at everyone. Some days things don't fly out of my hands and plop into liquids that splash all over the kitchen; some days people smile at me, words come out of my mouth in coherent sentences, and things click instead of clank. Today is one of those days Mama warned about. 

It's almost 5 p.m. and the dizziness hasn't cleared, nor has my mood lifted. I left church after Sacrament Meeting because when I'm feeling this off, I've learned it really is better to just clear out. So today's smile comes out of my back pocket from a couple of weeks ago, from one of the people I'm most thankful for, Grandson #1, as related by his mom (one of the other people I'm most thankful for) - because both of them always make me smile.

"C asked me who a good piano player is and I said, 'Sadie's mom is pretty good.' And he said, 'No, no, Honey is the goodest!'"

Uh-huh, he calls me Honey. My heart sings every time he says it. And there you go - just thinking about that, I'm doing that smile from the inside that Tai Chi exercise says to do during relaxation. Ahhhhh!

An evening P.S.: Driving home from a fireside tonight, I looked out the window to see a gloriously bright FULL moon. Well, maybe that explains the exhaustion, dizziness, lightheadedness and general malaise over the last couple of days!

Letting go doesn't equal burial!

Aug. 5, 2015

Today I’m grateful for the good friends who have crossed my path and especially for those who have come into my life and stayed here. Truly, “living” becomes “being” when your heart connects with another’s, and you give and share and grow because of it. Hard times are doable with a good friend to help bear the burden; ordinary days become bright when you feel loved; and I’m pretty sure heaven is made of those good times when more hearts than your own share an experience.

I do like change – as long as I initiate it! When I connect with someone who becomes a friend, I take it hard when they leave me standing there on the stage of life like a lone actor trying to ad lib lines. A few friends have betrayed me, and I carry around resentment and anger like a backpack full of rocks. Many more have simply read their lines at the appropriate time in my drama and then moved to the wings. For those, I carry around sadness and maybe a little anger, questioning why God would give me good friends who become part of my soul and leave a gaping hole when they fade away.

Well, here’s what a lighter Me thinks. God does give us people who fill a particular purpose at a particular time. Or maybe we fill a particular purpose for them at a specific time. He knows some few of those people we will need for the duration, and those soul mates stay with us no matter to what ends of the earth either of us move. No matter how long they are with us, they are our friends. No past tense. I thank God for sending them to help me and enrich my life, and I pray every day for them, that they are well and happy and that they always have happy thoughts of the times we shared. Instead of mourning previously perceived holes, I try to imagine a rich, lovely fabric with some patches where certain friends wove a small unique pattern into the continuous weft of my life.

Now, betrayals are a little harder. We learn lessons from every experience and every person we encounter. If someone hurts me – or if I allow them to hurt me – the only way I can empty that load of rocks and move toward forgiveness is to think of what that person taught me, and understand that in the traffic jam of life, sometimes we’re going to collide and get injured. If a person hurts me purposely, that’s their choice, and I can’t fully know all that influenced their actions. I have the choice to let go and move on. (Plot twist!)

There are some people on my stage who I didn’t invite to be there, and I wish they would move to someone else’s stage! It’s harder to let go of people who irritate or purposely hurt you over and over and who are always in your face. Here’s the imagery I’ve tried the last few days, and it helps a little; I think it will take lots of practice before it really sticks and becomes permanent:

I imagine myself in a hot-air balloon floating upward. The people who are weighing me down are clinging to the basket, but as I will myself upward, they lose their grip and float (no, I’m not mean enough to let them crash!) to the ground, and I continue upward, floating above them – and the angst they cause me.  

And then there are the people - a small, precious group - who have been on the stage for most of my life, who have proved over the long-term to be absolutely loyal, who love me in spite of my humanness, on whom I can count no matter what. Some are family, some are friends who pick up a conversation after months or years without skipping a beat. The thing is, they are always there, and today, my smile is because of them!

Energy and calm

Aug. 2, 2014

Before pain and fatigue sidelined me, I was a writer and photographer. The brain fog took away words and my ability to organize and stay on task. The fatigue and pain stole the ability to accomplish physical and mental tasks, and feelings of self worth vanished. Consequently, I alternated between feeling hopeful and defeated.

I went back to college in my late 30s, before the onset of my health problems, although I believe it all really started there with the stress of my own unrealistic expectation to be the best at everything I did. A dear professor and mentor literally wouldn’t let me quit my journalism degree when the going got tough. Several years after graduation, when my health declined until I had to quit writing altogether, she reminded me that nothing is lost on a writer: “Why don’t you write about your experience?”

I tried once. Or twice. It was just too hard, trying to sort through why and how I got to be this way, and trying to chronicle all the doctors I’ve seen and treatments I’ve tried. Worst of all, trying to find words was an exercise in frustration that reminded me all too painfully of what I had lost.

I’m on my third fibro doctor, I’ve completed six months of an impossibly restrictive diet, I take handfuls of supplements three to five times a day, and I avoid toxins and chemicals, including fluoride and artificial sweeteners. I’ve explored Candidiasis, heavy metal toxicity, Lyme Disease, CNS malfunction and psychological factors. Today I am back to the first thing I read as I began trying to learn about fibromyalgia: that almost all of us sufferers are perfectionists who push ourselves to the limit and who stress or worry about nearly everything. To remedy that, I’ve tried Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping the body’s meridian points), acupressure, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation, although I’ve never mastered meditation on my own. In my gut I’ve always known that to get better, I would have to figure out how to calm my mind, relax my body and get over having to be perfect, but I’ve not realized success with any of these.

Monday I found Tai Chi. I’ve heard repeatedly that Tai Chi is one of the best things for Fibro. During the first class, it was perfectly clear why. It is meditation. You can’t think about anything else but doing the movements, which are fluid, graceful and ultimately relaxing. They are so slow they deceivingly require muscle control and strength, and when done with correct form, provide gentle but powerful stretching.

This week I’ve had energy that I haven’t felt in years. It could be attributed to a number of new things I started since we got home from vacation two weeks ago:

·      I began taking DHEA 10 mg (lab tests done before vacation showed I was low)

·      I began drinking 10-20 oz. of alkalized water a day (via Juuva’s Energy Cup)

·      To reduce electromagnetic field exposure, I stopped talking with my cell or cordless phone to my head; unplugged all electrical gadgets in my bedroom while I sleep and when not in use; and don’t use my laptop on my lap.

·      A "cold" front dropped temps all week to the 70s and 80s (heat wilts me!)

·      I spent time with a friend who inspired me to be constantly aware of negative thoughts and replace them with happy, lighter ones. This goes hand-in-hand with a book I started reading before vacation, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D., Burns, M.D. in which the author cites studies showing that positive thoughts literally change brain chemistry.

Today’s smile(s) came first thing in the morning as husby and I were walking in the neighborhood. Coming toward us was a woman totally unaware that anyone else was out and about, humming out loud – no earphones, just her own song. A few moments later, someone behind us called out a greeting. Most times when we walk, it’s hard to get anyone we encounter to even nod hello, even when we’re close enough to brush their arm. As he passed us, we saw that he was riding a bike and pulling a baby in a bike trailer, and he called, “Rides just $5!” I’m thankful for God’s little smile early this morning in not one, but two manifestations!

And this week, I’m thankful for energy and a mind clear enough to write. It feels good, and it seems right to start a gratitude diary. If next week turns bad again, I’ll have this week to remember until another good day comes!

Plot Twist!

Aug. 1, 2014

Doctors say I have fibromyalgia. Once it became my constant, though unwelcome, companion, a friend suggested I give it a name, with the idea that a pet name is less clinical and “whiney” sounding than the medical term. So until I can arrange a divorce or at least a separation, my mate is "Freddie." 

In the course of a seven-year journey, I have become convinced that fibromyalgia is not a condition as such, but a name concocted for a collection of symptoms that the medical community has been forced to recognize as real, but for which no one can agree on a cause, much less a cure. After having worn myself out chasing the magic bullet, I have further come to believe that peace, if not a cure, comes from positive energy – from uplifting thoughts, from gratitude, from association with people we love. One of those people reminded me just this week:

·      My condition does not define me – in other words, I have fibromyalgia (plug in any condition here) – I am not fibromyalgia. I also have fingernails; I am not a fingernail.

·      I do not win or lose – I win or learn.

·      When something goes wrong in my life, just yell, “Plot twist!” and move on.

So this gratitude journal begins because of insights that came all at once this week, thanks to tender mercies from God (little discoveries or feelings that let me know He's aware of me), to my friend who shared inspired thoughts, and to a professor and mentor at college who encouraged me to write about Freddie. At my first Tai Chi class this week, we began with deep-breathing relaxation, which at one point included thinking of something for which we are grateful, which makes us smile. I’ve been thinking every day since that moment of things that make me smile. Those smiles should be recorded – for my own memory when it’s hard to see the sun – and perhaps to lift others who suffer. And along the way, I’ll attempt to tell what I’ve learned about fibromyalgia from doctors and my own research.

Today’s smile:
Watching a Cardinal Couple – literally, a bright red male and a brown female with a red beak – courting in my back yard. They started on the fence, then flew one at a time to the crepe myrtle tree, where they sat side-by-side on a branch for quite a while before flying out of the yard together. But they came back again and again while I was in the pool (another thing to be grateful for!). How can you not love that?!