Energy and calm

Aug. 2, 2014

Before pain and fatigue sidelined me, I was a writer and photographer. The brain fog took away words and my ability to organize and stay on task. The fatigue and pain stole the ability to accomplish physical and mental tasks, and feelings of self worth vanished. Consequently, I alternated between feeling hopeful and defeated.

I went back to college in my late 30s, before the onset of my health problems, although I believe it all really started there with the stress of my own unrealistic expectation to be the best at everything I did. A dear professor and mentor literally wouldn’t let me quit my journalism degree when the going got tough. Several years after graduation, when my health declined until I had to quit writing altogether, she reminded me that nothing is lost on a writer: “Why don’t you write about your experience?”

I tried once. Or twice. It was just too hard, trying to sort through why and how I got to be this way, and trying to chronicle all the doctors I’ve seen and treatments I’ve tried. Worst of all, trying to find words was an exercise in frustration that reminded me all too painfully of what I had lost.

I’m on my third fibro doctor, I’ve completed six months of an impossibly restrictive diet, I take handfuls of supplements three to five times a day, and I avoid toxins and chemicals, including fluoride and artificial sweeteners. I’ve explored Candidiasis, heavy metal toxicity, Lyme Disease, CNS malfunction and psychological factors. Today I am back to the first thing I read as I began trying to learn about fibromyalgia: that almost all of us sufferers are perfectionists who push ourselves to the limit and who stress or worry about nearly everything. To remedy that, I’ve tried Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping the body’s meridian points), acupressure, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation, although I’ve never mastered meditation on my own. In my gut I’ve always known that to get better, I would have to figure out how to calm my mind, relax my body and get over having to be perfect, but I’ve not realized success with any of these.

Monday I found Tai Chi. I’ve heard repeatedly that Tai Chi is one of the best things for Fibro. During the first class, it was perfectly clear why. It is meditation. You can’t think about anything else but doing the movements, which are fluid, graceful and ultimately relaxing. They are so slow they deceivingly require muscle control and strength, and when done with correct form, provide gentle but powerful stretching.

This week I’ve had energy that I haven’t felt in years. It could be attributed to a number of new things I started since we got home from vacation two weeks ago:

·      I began taking DHEA 10 mg (lab tests done before vacation showed I was low)

·      I began drinking 10-20 oz. of alkalized water a day (via Juuva’s Energy Cup)

·      To reduce electromagnetic field exposure, I stopped talking with my cell or cordless phone to my head; unplugged all electrical gadgets in my bedroom while I sleep and when not in use; and don’t use my laptop on my lap.

·      A "cold" front dropped temps all week to the 70s and 80s (heat wilts me!)

·      I spent time with a friend who inspired me to be constantly aware of negative thoughts and replace them with happy, lighter ones. This goes hand-in-hand with a book I started reading before vacation, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D., Burns, M.D. in which the author cites studies showing that positive thoughts literally change brain chemistry.

Today’s smile(s) came first thing in the morning as husby and I were walking in the neighborhood. Coming toward us was a woman totally unaware that anyone else was out and about, humming out loud – no earphones, just her own song. A few moments later, someone behind us called out a greeting. Most times when we walk, it’s hard to get anyone we encounter to even nod hello, even when we’re close enough to brush their arm. As he passed us, we saw that he was riding a bike and pulling a baby in a bike trailer, and he called, “Rides just $5!” I’m thankful for God’s little smile early this morning in not one, but two manifestations!

And this week, I’m thankful for energy and a mind clear enough to write. It feels good, and it seems right to start a gratitude diary. If next week turns bad again, I’ll have this week to remember until another good day comes!