Mama said ...

Sunday, Aug. 10, 2014

OK, I know there will be days when I just feel crummy, and all the positive thinking in the world won't clear my head, make me less dizzy or stop the pain in my ribs. And I can climb aboard my hot-air balloon that lifts me above my petty thoughts and the grudges I hold against people, but on certain days, the balloon won't fill with air and lift off, or it might get up then lose hot air or get a hole and plop back to the ground. I know that Satan loves to sit in the back seat and yell in my ear about all the people who've wronged or simply bugged me. I can order him out of the back seat, but on certain days he just gets right back in. 

I said on Blog Day 1 that that's why I write a gratitude journal - so that on days like this I can go back and remember that I do have blessings, that some days I'm not dizzy and tired and grumpy and mad at everyone. Some days things don't fly out of my hands and plop into liquids that splash all over the kitchen; some days people smile at me, words come out of my mouth in coherent sentences, and things click instead of clank. Today is one of those days Mama warned about. 

It's almost 5 p.m. and the dizziness hasn't cleared, nor has my mood lifted. I left church after Sacrament Meeting because when I'm feeling this off, I've learned it really is better to just clear out. So today's smile comes out of my back pocket from a couple of weeks ago, from one of the people I'm most thankful for, Grandson #1, as related by his mom (one of the other people I'm most thankful for) - because both of them always make me smile.

"C asked me who a good piano player is and I said, 'Sadie's mom is pretty good.' And he said, 'No, no, Honey is the goodest!'"

Uh-huh, he calls me Honey. My heart sings every time he says it. And there you go - just thinking about that, I'm doing that smile from the inside that Tai Chi exercise says to do during relaxation. Ahhhhh!

An evening P.S.: Driving home from a fireside tonight, I looked out the window to see a gloriously bright FULL moon. Well, maybe that explains the exhaustion, dizziness, lightheadedness and general malaise over the last couple of days!